A few of my favorite things...

I thought I 'd share some of my personal favorites from the photographs I took this year. 

This song has offered me great comfort over the last few weeks...I share it here for anyone else who may need it as much as I have.

God is Great.

quote of the week...

"I, with a deeper instinct, chose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman."

---Anais Nin

quote of the week...

"You cannot change the winds...but you can adjust your sails."

--unknown

quote of the week...

“The beginning of love is the will to let those we love be perfectly themselves, the resolution not to twist them to fit our own image. If in loving them we do not love what they are, but only their potential likeness to ourselves, then we do not love them: we only love the reflection of ourselves we find in them.”
― Thomas Merton, No Man Is An Island

quote of the week...

"There will never be another woman who owns the look, the personality, and the experience that you do. Those ingredients make up the recipe of who you are, and it's your gift from the Lord--own it."

---Candace Cameron Bure

quote of the week...

"When you say, 'I need more confidence,' what you're really saying is, 'I need those people over there to approve of me.' That is the desire to control other people and what they think."

--Augusten Burroughs

quote of the week...

“Nothing is really work unless you would rather be doing something else.”
― J.M. Barrie

how about no...

The other day at work our boss had lunch brought in for everyone from this great Chinese restaurant.

[pause for you to wish you worked where I work.]

I opened my fortune cookie and it said, "Life will bring you a grand and dashing adventure."

And I immediately thought, "That is really going to mess with watching my Top Chef marathons."

quote of the week...

"Our history can become our destiny and either compel us to repeat our errors or be the catalyst for change."

---unknown

small and simple reminders...

This small and simple reminder is about how little things can mean so very much.

I belong to an online community that over the years has become a very special place to me. I have developed friendships that are lovely, and I have even gotten the chance to meet in person some of the terrific people that I have spoken to online. I was reading a magazine a few months back, and saw the name and town of one of those friends in the comments section, and immediately knew that she would appreciate having a copy and was out of the country and unlikely to find a copy of her own. So I sent it off with not much thought other than that I hoped she'd enjoy having it.

Some time after this, I received this beautiful little box in the mail from her, along with a generous and kind thank you note for my sending her the article. If it had only been that, it would still be a sweet little story...but there's more.

On the day that I came home to find this gift, I was heavy with the weight of the world. I was tired. I was worn out, body and soul. I had been trying very hard to keep myself together, all the while wishing that I could find the time and place to fall apart. I felt unequal to the tasks before me, and felt sure that there was nothing I could do about it. I had been praying that day in the car on the way home so very hard to feel an answer to my questions of  "Can I even do this? Am I making a mess of everything? Why do you think I can be the person that it requires to make a difference here?"

I walked into a house of chaos and clutter, just sure that I couldn't be a worse person if I tried, when I saw the envelope. As I opened it up and saw the exquisitely detailed box and read the letter from my far away friend, I felt love and relief wash over me. I burst into tears. I felt a still, small voice say inside my mind, "You are loved. You are noticed. You can do this. What you do matters, in ways you aren't able to see."

The most beautiful part of this is that I didn't deserve it. But this friend, I believe prompted by God, was generous. With her time. With her words. With her gratitude. And I believe that she was able to set into motion the circumstances whereby my Heavenly Father could, with her help, tell me something that I desperately needed to hear.

So now when I pass by this tiny box that sits on my book shelf, I think of that day. I think of my friend and all of the dear friends I have talked to and prayed for and that have talked to and prayed for me in our little online community. It is a small and simple reminder of how generous Heavenly Father is with His comfort and praise. It is a small and simple reminder that it is my turn. That to show my gratitude, I must now be generous and give to someone else. So that Heavenly Father can, with my help, tell another child of His what He knows they desperately need to hear.

I can't wait.

quote of the week...

"Trial is someone standing outside of yourself, trying to tell you something about you that is not true. And the real truth of all trial is to get still, silent, centered, and know for sure who you are and who you are not."

--Oprah Winfrey

quote of the week...

"As I have practiced it, photography produces pleasure by simplicity. I see something special and show it to the camera. A picture is produced. The moment is held until someone sees it. Then it is theirs."
--Sam Abell



I snapped this while assisting my lovely daughter, Bri Lamkin, as she shot a wedding. I love that my daughter has a passion for photography. I love that I get to see the world the way that she sees it, when I look at her pictures.

Harry Potter Party

After coming through the front door, which had been made to look like Platform 9 3/4, they went straight into Olivander's Wand Shop (the office) and after choosing their wands (which The Hubby cut from wooden decor sticks I found in the floral section of WalMart), the kids boarded the Hogwart's Express (which was in the front room.) The guests filled their favor bags from the trolley of candy and treats, and I printed out quotes from every Harry Potter book (from thereadables.tumblr.com), mounted them on cardstock, and they got to choose their favorite one to take home. The dining room with party food and drinks was the Great Hall and we hung mini-led candles from fishing line. The family room was the Common Room, and contained spell books to study from, while the television played Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone. And finally, the back yard was the Quidditch Field (which thank goodness my adopted family plays every year at family reunions, so I just had to borrow theirs!)

We had loads of fun, and it really wasn't that much work as far as parties go!

quote of the week...

"Babies are such a nice way to start people."

---Don Herrold

In honor of my dear grand-niece, Elizabeth Rose, born on early Sunday. Welcome to the world, Ellie!

A moment of silence...

Because I finished the final Harry Potter book yesterday. Sssssshhhhh.

Let me let it sink in.

 

 

 

I found this list on my night table. I've thought about what her thought process must have been as she wrote it.

 

"So...I heard Mom and Dad say they need to go to the store. I should let them know what I would like them to get. Maybe they would buy me some cupcakes? Cupcakes aren't so big...they would probably go for cupcakes. ... If they'd go for cupcakes, then why not cake? Basically the same thing only bigger. And there is no way 1 cake is going to go far in this house...better ask for 3."

 

"They will probably go to Sam's. And you know what they have at Sam's? Trampolines. How hard would it be to just toss a tramp in the cart along with the cakes? And, the hot tubs are basically RIGHT THERE next to the trampolines...Mom and Dad would love a hot tub...it's really more for them, honestly..."

 

"Now, since I am going big here, I think I will put pool...but I need to be careful because Mom and Dad might not have the facts they need to make an informed purchase. I need to put 'huge'. If I don't put 'huge', let's just remember who we're talking about here...they could come home with anything. Some little dinky plastic thing with no room for me to swim underwater.

Yeah, huge. That ought to do it."

 

 

quote of the week...

"Heavenly Father's job is not to make us happy. Heavenly Father's job is to change us...and He only has a few short years to do it."

--Ron Bartholomew

a pretty place for functional things...

I love the trend to reuse old and found objects in new and fun ways. Next to distressed furniture, it is the kindest thing trendsetters ever did for moms. I have tried from time to time to do this in my own spaces, with mixed results. Sometimes I try stuff, and after a while it becomes clear that no matter how cute something is doesn't mean it's functional. Other times I look at something and think "I must have you" and then find a way to use it that lets me enjoy its unique and fun qualities while still having something that fills a purpose.

 I was recently at a little antique market, and spotted this lovely little thing. I instantly thought that it could go really well on our office desk, to hold pens and papers and glue. I wasn't sure how I was going to make it seem a bit cleaner and add a modern flair, but for $10 I knew I had to give it a try. I mean, look at those colors...she was made for me.

 So I cleaned it with some all purpose cleaner and paper towels, and then I dug through my shamelessly large stash of scrapbook paper and found a few that I thought looked cute with it. The best part is that when I get bored and tired of it, all I have to do is pick a different paper. I could certainly have used wallpaper or even fabric and hot glued it. I am so lazy that I didn't even adhere the paper...just slid it right into place. The bottom section fit so perfectly that I didn't even need to cut the paper...reason #547 that it. is. my. new. BFF.

 Then I filled her up with the ever present "stuff".

I love that the top drawers are narrow which will discourage me other people from loading them up with junk.

Here she is, all in place and ready to make me feel happy every time I look at her. I enjoy finding things that seem like "me" and using them in a way that I can actually USE them. 

quote of the week...

"Be a light, not a judge. Be a model, not a critic."

---Steven R. Covey

back to school...

This year, I gave the young women I serve in our congregation this for their back to school thinking of you thingy ma jiggy. (it's a technical term. Ahem.)

 I kept it small and simple because, well, that is what I had time for this year. The most important thing to me remains actually going to see the girls, looking them in the eye and letting them know that they are loved and thought about. They walk every day into a minefield, and I want to be sure that they remember that there are people who are praying for them to fight that good fight and to be the young women that God intends for them to be.

quote of the week...

"It is not fair to ask of others what you are not willing to do yourself."


--Eleanor Roosevelt

Dayenu.

I have been thinking a lot about an experience I had last month while at Education Week. (a weekend where BYU-Idaho opens up the campus to people for 3 days and has hundreds of Continuing Education classes.)

We signed up for a Passover Dinner celebration with Victor Ludlow. He walked us through the entire evening and how the occasion has been celebrated for decades, adding in his own experiences of traveling to the Holy Lands, and sharing insights from his life long study of the Jewish culture and religion.

There were several things about that night that left a lasting impression on me, and one is a portion of the Passover called, "Dayenu." The reader (Ludlow, in this case) reads stanzas as the dinner guests respond, "Dayenu" each time, and then all the guests sing a song.

The word "Dayenu" means, "it would have been enough for us", "it would have been sufficient", or "it would have sufficed" (day in Hebrew is "enough", and enu means "to us"). The stanzas (there are 15)that the reader recites all refer to blessings that God gave the Jewish people, such as deliverance from Egypt. Some of the stanzas refer to the miracles that God gave them, and the dinner guests say, "Dayenu" after each one, like this:

If He had split the sea for us. (dayenu)
If He had led us through on dry land. (dayenu)
If He had drowned our oppressors. (dayenu)
If He had provided for our needs in the wilderness for 40 years. (dayenu)
If He had fed us manna. (dayenu)

I have pondered many time since that night the importance of feeling and recognizing "dayenu" or, for me, what God has done for me and my family that would have been "enough". I think too often, it is easy to think about what we have right now that might be lacking, and not remember all the good in our lives that has come before. Sometimes, I forget all the miracles that have happened in my life...instead I stand and wait impatiently for the next one.

So since that night, I have tried to say my own version of "dayenu" when I feel prompted or pulled to do so. It sounds different every time, and each time I have done it, I feel a swell of gratitude and a surge of perspective. I see in a tender and fresh way that God has indeed been good to me. Here is what one I say might sound like:

If He had given me my body and soul, dayenu.
If He had given me a good husband, dayenu.
If He had kept us both healthy and safe, dayenu.
If He had given us just 1 child, dayenu.
If He had healed my heart of just one wound, dayenu.
If He had given me 1 person to learn from, dayenu.

What I love most about this meditation/prayer/thought process is the unspoken afterthought of, "but He didn't just do that. He gave me more. Much more."

I hope that this little lesson I learned can be of value to someone out there who reads it, and that you can find a way to see what God has done for you that would have been "enough", and even more importantly, how much He gave you after that.

And if you feel for just a moment the love that He has for you, then...dayenu.

quote of the week...

"In my youth I stressed freedom, and in my old age I stress order. I have made the great discovery that liberty is a product of order."

--Will Durant

I had to make this...

If you love all of these floating around blogs and Pinterest and Facebook, you should know that you can make your own! Just go to someecards.com. It's super fast and easy.

quote of the week...

"As soon as a man begins to speak negatively about another, I forget every other thing he's ever said."

--Abraham Lincoln


I can't say it enough. What we choose to say about others reveals so much about our character. Gossip, passing along bad stories, judging, whatever you want to call it...it is toxic. It is like a cancer. You cannot feel the love of Christ and then speak hatefully about your neighbor. It is such a habit in our culture to enjoy and even celebrate tearing others down and constantly talk about people's faults. But any temporary charge we get out of feeling "better than" someone else will turn to ashes in our mouths. I love the scripture, "our works will condemn us, Yea: our words will condemn us." I believe that is true. Whether spoken to others or just around our homes where we think it's "safe"...one day our words, if not chosen carefully, will condemn us.

a few thoughts on having a blog, and why I owe all men an apology...

Yesterday I was having a text conversation with a dear friend, and she wrote, "Are you going to blog about Education Week?"

To which I replied, "Wait. I have a blog??"

Yeah.

I already know that what I am about to say isn't going to come out the way that I want it to, and I will end up wishing I were someone who could write more clearly the feelings and thoughts I have been having...but I am going to say what I want to in my own meager way.

A few months ago, I started working outside the home. At first it seemed like it would be just a more part time kind of thing, 4 or 5 hours a day, 3 days a week. It has since developed into a 6 to 7 hours a day, 4 days a week kind of thing. I am loving it, it is the right job at the right time. I am blessed.

However. I have noticed that I have not even remotely been able to keep up with many things that I spent hours on before. I do the best that I can, but my best is honestly pathetic right now. I am learning how to plan and schedule but SO much is done last minute, and I have to let go of lots of good things that are just not good enough right now for me to spend time and energy on.

I was considering how hard it is to juggle it all, and I found myself feeling more than a small pang of guilt over the times when I looked at the men in my life: at church, in the neighborhood, and sadly, in my own home, and thought that their efforts were lacking.

I am embarrassed by the times that I thought, "Geesh, how hard is it to email about something?" or "I wonder if the lawn is EVER going to get mowed...I've only mentioned it 12 times." or "We always have to pick up the slack for the men and make sure stuff gets done."

I am exhausted at the end of my work day, and I don't even work full time. What energy I have left I give to my sweet family, because that is as it should be. I find myself on the drive home, gearing up to forget how tired I am and how much I still want and need to do, and I focus on how I can help my children and my husband and my church. I realize now that my husband has done this for 25 years...and overall, I never gave it a thought. I just expected it.

I have always (I hope) been an appreciative wife and a loyal friend to the men in my life...but I can't honestly say that I really ever put myself in their shoes.

So let me say this to the good men I know:

I am sorry. For thinking you had to do more, and that you didn't care as much as I thought you needed to care about certain things. I am sorry for my lack of patience when you didn't do things in the time frame I thought they should be done, or the way I would have done them.

And thank you. Thank you for leaving your homes every day and working to provide for your families. Many of you work at jobs that in a million years I could never work, and you do it day in and day out because you believe in what you do and in who you do it for. Thank you for coming home and listening to the children and women in your lives when they need your love and attention, even when you are tired and worn down with the weight of the world. And thank you for taking on the honey do lists and church responsibilities when you really just want to sleep or watch TV for a bit.

So, as The Hubby's Grandma Peg would say, "That's it." That is all I wanted to say. I wish I could have said it better.

And , yes, I will blog about Education Week. Sometime. :)

quote of the week...

“Most of our obstacles would melt away if instead of cowering before them, we should make up our minds to walk boldly through them.”


~Orison Swett Marden

quote of the week...

 "You never know how much you really believe anything, until its truth or falsehood becomes a matter of life and death to you. It is easy to say you believe a rope to be strong and sound as long as you are merely using it to tie a box. But suppose you had to hang by that rope over a precipice. Wouldn’t you then first discover how much you really trusted it? . . . Only a real risk tests the reality of a belief."


---C.S. Lewis

Memorial Day...

They never fail who die
In a great cause: the block may soak their gore:
Their heads may sodden in the sun; their limbs
Be strung to city gates and castle walls—

But still their Spirit walks abroad. Though years

Elapse, and others share as dark a doom,

They but augment the deep and sweeping thoughts

Which overpower all others, and conduct

The world at last to Freedom.

--LORD BYRON, Marino Faliero

quote of the week...

"I am ready for whatever is coming. I am a servant of the Lord and whatever He has in store for me is for my benefit."


--our son, Spencer

quote of the week...

"Hurrah for Israel! Hurrah for Israel! Hurrah for Israel!"


I know that most people who read this blog know the significance of this exclamation, but I feel strongly that I should share it and talk about it today.


This is the soft shout that we gave our son as he left for his 2 year mission for our church. I wanted to share the story about where this particular saying comes from.

-----------------------------------------------------

(From the book, Our Heritage: A Brief History of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter day Saints)

 

The Prophet called the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles to go to England on missions. Elder Orson Hyde, a member of the Quorum of the Twelve, was sent to Jerusalem to dedicate Palestine for the gathering of the Jewish people and other children of Abraham. Missionaries were sent to preach throughout the United States and eastern Canada, and Addison Pratt and others received calls to go to the Pacific Islands.

These brethren made great sacrifices as they left their homes and families to respond to their calls to serve the Lord. Many members of the Twelve were struck with the ague as they prepared to depart for England. Wilford Woodruff, who was very ill, left his wife, Phoebe, almost without food and the necessities of life. George A. Smith, the youngest Apostle, was so sick that he had to be carried to the wagon, and a man who saw him asked the driver if they had been robbing the graveyard. Only Parley P. Pratt, who took his wife and children with him, his brother Orson Pratt, and John Taylor were free from disease as they left Nauvoo, although Elder Taylor later became terribly ill and almost died as they traveled to New York City.

 

Brigham Young was so ill that he was unable to walk even a short distance without assistance, and his companion, Heber C. Kimball, was no better. Their wives and families, too, lay suffering. When the Apostles reached the crest of a hill a short distance from their homes, both lying in a wagon, they felt as though they could not endure leaving their families in so pitiful a condition. At Heber’s suggestion, they struggled to their feet, waved their hats over their heads, and shouted three times, “Hurrah, Hurrah, for Israel.” Their wives, Mary Ann and Vilate, gained strength enough to stand and, leaning against the door frame, they cried out, “Good-bye, God bless you.” The two men returned to their wagon beds with a spirit of joy and satisfaction at seeing their wives standing instead of lying sick in bed.

-------------------------------------------------

So now when I hear this shout, I think of every missionary that has ever left the loving arms of their family to go and share the Gospel. I think of every family member who watched them leave. I think of the strength and faith that it took to do that, and I used to wonder if I would have that strength and faith myself. Now I know that I do. We have that strength and faith because we know that it is our charge to share what we know.

So when I use the expression, "Hurrah for Israel!" just know that I am saying, "This is God's work! It hurts to have him gone, but this is one of the most important things he will ever do! God is good, and merciful, and I put my son in His unwavering and perfect hands. All is well!"

quote of the week...

"Complaining is not thinking. Ridiculing is not reasoning. Accountability is not for the intention but for the deed. No person is proud simply of what he or she intends to do."


 --Thomas S. Monson

a little thanks...

I serve with the best people. And they worked SO hard on our recent fundraiser that I wanted to do a little something as a thank you. I gathered up relaxing back salts, stress relieving lotion, and some yummy mints and chocolate. Catch the theme? These ladies needed a break after all their hard work and effort!

I printed out these cute "one in a million" cards as photos, and then backed them with posterboard and attached a ribbon.

Here's one all done. Turned out well!

I wish I had a better way to express how much I love and appreciate the women I serve with! They truly ARE one in a million. I am SO lucky and happy to get the chance to associate with them. This little something will have to do!

quote of the week...

"Life is filled with pieces of joy. Life is challenging, hard, and full of heartache and anguish caused by our sins and the sins of others. But as long as we seek to follow Christ, we will be given pieces of joy, and these pieces of joy will be sufficient to carry us through our darker times."

---Betsy Chatlin, Finding Peace

happy anniversary, bri and jordan!

Our sweet daughter and her wonderful husband started their journey to forever 2 years ago today. I wanted to post one of my favorite quotes on marriage in their honor:


"Marriage hath in it less of beauty but more of safety ... it hath more care, but less danger, it is more merry, and more sad; it is fuller of sorrows, and fuller of joys; it lies under more burdens, but it is supported by all the strengths of love and charity, and those burdens are delightful."


--Bishop Jeremy Taylor



Here's to 100 more annniversaries, dear kids, all filled with love and happiness.

quote of the week...

"Remember that faith and doubt cannot exist in the same mind at the same time."

Thomas S. Monson

quote of the week...

"Loving people live in a loving world. Hostile people live in a hostile world. Same world."

--Wayne Dyer

Reasons #672 and #673 why my husband is perfect for me...

I am driving kids to and fro (where is 'fro' anyway?) and that song "I'm Sexy and I Know It" comes on the radio.

Me: "This song is SO annoying. I can't stand this song."

My 14 year old: "Dad loves this song."

My 12 year old: "Yeah, he says it's his theme song."


Of course he does.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------


actual text conversation between The Hubby and I:

Hubby: Did you have an idea of what's for dinner?
Me: Yeah. Like I would ever actually KNOW that.
Hubby: Hey, a guy can dream.
Me: It's cute how you keep hoping.
Hubby: Isn't it?

quote of the week...

"By swallowing evil words unsaid, no one has ever harmed his stomach."

--Winston Churchill

a few random thoughts on a Friday night...

It's been a tough day. The good thing about having a tough day is knowing that it will end. That, and knowing that you can get through a tough day and it will be okay.


Heavenly Father sure does love us. I have been witness to His love and to His gentle way of blessing us even while allowing us to go through the difficult times of life. He won't take all the difficulty from us, because He knows it's what will teach and refine us, but he'll soften the blows so that we know we are not alone and can feel His love. I feel it.

Turns out, the Harry Potter books are quite good.

I miss Spencer. Just like trying to explain to a person who has never given birth what it feels like, I can't really describe what it feels like to send a child on a mission. If you've done it, you understand. It's wonderful, difficult, satisfying, gut wrenching, tender, faith building and faith shaking--all at the same time. It is one of my favorite words: bittersweet.


Friends are such a gift. It is just so good for your soul to spend time with people who know you well. Someone who you have inside jokes with, someone who remembers the embarrassing stuff you did when you were young, who knows what you looked like with braces. A night of laughter with friends can lift and strengthen and comfort.We are lucky, lucky, lucky to have friends to do that with.

Prayer changes things. I promise. Most importantly, prayer changes us--which is pretty much the point.


There are moments when we can be doing something that seems really simple, really small, and there will come the thought that what we are doing is NOT small but instead is actually really, really important and really, really matters. I love moments like that. I need to notice them more.

this is why I love them...

Part of a conversation with one of my young women who has just been diagnosed with a chronic disease:

Me: "I am just glad that you keep your sweet smile and good humor through it all."

AYW (awesome young woman): "Well, thank you. Besides my smarts, charm, and good looks it's really the only thing going for me."


Seriously? I have the best calling.

quote of the week...

“Incredible change happens in your life when you decide to take control of what you do have power over instead of craving control over what you don't.”

― Steve Maraboli

More Marin-isms

Connor: "I need some lined paper."
Marin: "Oh! I have a Constipation Notebook that I never use! You can have the paper in that!"


We are talking about presidents at the dinner table. Somebody brings up JFK, and the fact that he was assassinated.

Marin: "There is just so much tragedy in the world. The Twin Towers fell; President Kennedy gets assassinated; the book fair closed early..."


The older kids tell Dad and Mom that the door on the downstairs armoire is completely broken.

Marin: "Yeah, that was me. I was sitting on the door, and then I remembered that I shouldn't be sitting on doors, so I was getting down, and right about then--it broke."

Move.

This song happens to be my theme song for this year. I love to run to it. LOVE. And I love to listen to it to be reminded of the waste of sitting around and worrying about whatever it is I am worrying about.

quote of the week...

"And even if someone else has it much worse, that doesn't really change the fact that you have what you have. Good and bad."

--unknown, found on a comment on 'Give Me The Simple Life' blog

Book Review, 2011

I read 25 books in 2011. 2 were re-reads.
5 were autobiographical.
4 were non-fiction.
16 were fiction.

Apparently I needed a lot of escape this year, because I was way heavier on fiction than I normally am. This was a good year for me as far as finding a lot of books I really enjoyed. Normally, when I look back over my list for the year, there are only 1 or 2 that really stand out and that I say, "Oh, yeah, I really loved that one." This year, there are at least a handful that I not only liked, but would read again.

Picking my favorite is tough, because in a year where I read A Tree Grows In Brooklyn and The Help and was introduced to Anne Perry for the first time?? It's really difficult to decide.

I have to go with Encompassing Charity, however, because it completely broadened and expanded my understanding and now sits in a short stack of books that I refer to as my "life textbooks." There are a few books that have so overwhelmingly and profoundly taught me things that change who I am and how I feel about core principles, that I mark them to death with highlighters and scribble in the margins as I consider how what is written fits into and expands what I already know, and they become books that I go back to again and again. Encompassing Charity has become one of these books for me.

For my least favorite, I'll say Bossypants. It has gotten such buzz and I love Tina Fey, but I wasn't thrilled with it. There was a chapter or two that were really good, but a lot of it was dismissive and snarky--and not in a good way. I love snark and sarcasm when it's done well, I just didn't feel like this was.  It didn't help that I read 2 Nora Ephron books, one before Bossypants and one after, because Tina really suffers by comparison. Nora is a genius at the New York humor. I still love Tina, she's just no Nora Ephron.

So, what are you going to read this year?


On my "to read" list:

The Particular Sadness Of Lemon Cake, Hotel on the Corner of Bitter and Sweet, the Harry Potter series

quote of the week...

"We tell lies when we are afraid... afraid of what we don't know, afraid of what others will think, afraid of what will be found out about us. But every time we tell a lie, the thing that we fear grows stronger." 


~Tad Williams

quote of the week...

"Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body."

--Elizabeth Stone


I am feeling this one a lot at the moment. I have a piece of my heart in Tomball, Texas...and now another piece in the Missionary Training Center in Provo, Utah. Not to mention bits and pieces scattered around town at middle and elementary schools during the day.

quote of the week...

"Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming. What do we do? We swim, swim, swim."


--Dory, Finding Nemo

quote of the week...

"It is our choices that show us who we truly are, far more than our abilities."


--Albus Dumbledore, Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets


My children have been after me for years to read these books...and I may, now that I have read this quote.

car conversations...

Marin: You are SO pretty, Momma. You are just beautiful....You should be a super model, because you are so pretty....You should! But you probably can't be a supermodel, Momma....because you are so busy...because you are a mom, and a young women's president, and you work. So...you probably can't be a supermodel.

Me: Yes, Marin. THAT is why I can't be a supermodel. Lack of time.

Quote of the week...

"A year from now you will wish you had started today."


---Karen Lamb

quote of the week...

"I will honour Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year. I will live in the Past, the Present, and the Future. The Spirits of all Three shall strive within me. I will not shut out the lessons that they teach."

--Charles Dickens, A Christmas Carol 

quote of the week...

"Something in human nature causes us to start slacking off at our moment of greatest accomplishment. As you become successful, you will need a great deal of self-discipline not to lose your sense of balance, humility, and commitment."


--H. Ross Perot

quote of the week...

"We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us."

--Joseph Campbell

Oh, dear.

I walk into the room after having been on the phone.
My 7 year old daughter sits up quickly and says brightly:

"Hello, Mother! We have been sitting here doing nothing wrong while you were on the phone."

My gut instinct? She is totally lying.

never say never...

Anyone who knows me knows that I am not a animal lover. Through a series of events that I still don't completely believe happened, we now own this little guy, who we named Gatsby.

I am shocked that I actually adore him. It has been so fun to discover that while you can't teach an old dog new tricks, you can find a puppy that will teach you that you really can love animals...you just have to find the right one. Not to mention the fun the kids are having now that they have something they have wanted for years and years!

Anyway, the moral of the story is: never make a final decision about what you will and won't allow in our life when it's just based on preference or the current season you are in. You never know what may change or how YOU may change that causes you to have a place in your life for things you wouldn't have considered earlier.

quote of the week...

“The best moments in reading are when you come across something - a thought, a feeling, a way of looking at things - which you had thought special and particular to you. And now, here it is, set down by someone else, a person you have never met, someone even who is long dead. And it is as if a hand has come out, and taken yours.”


― Alan Bennett

quote of the week...

"Where we love is home. Home that our feet may leave, but not our hearts."



Our girl and her boy are coming home today. We will try to stretch the week out so it seems longer.

at the doctor's office...

Pediatrician: Okay, everything looks good! Today we need to give you 4 shots, though.

7 year old daughter: 4???

Pediatrician: yes, 4. I know it's a lot. Sorry.

....long pause...

7 year old daughter: I want you to knock me out for it.

just want to let it be known...

I love my life.

It is messy, loud, flawed, imperfect, frustrating, over-extended, bittersweet, and average.

It is also blissful, awe inspiring, tender, meaningful, soul stretching, hysterically funny, and filled with unspeakable joy.

And it is mine. And I am blessed. I see it, and I feel it. I am humbled by what it is now, and what it is becoming.

That is all.

quote of the week...

“Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving.”

— Albert Einstein



I think I struggle with balance in my life more than anything. I am either going 100 miles an hour or at a dead stop. I am seeing the wisdom and peace that comes from just consistently moving. Both literally and figuratively.

quote of the week...

“The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be.”


― Ralph Waldo Emerson

I Choose Him.

Tonight was our evening to honor the young women for the good things that they do. This slideshow was my final project to earn my young womanhood recognition. The pictures were taken by me and 2 of our young women, and the song was our theme for the evening along with 2 Nephi 33:9.

It was a wonderful night. They are wonderful girls.

halloween...






from left to right:

Oliver the Trumpeter (search you tube to understand), Little Red Riding Hood,

Harry Potter, a fairy, and Ron Weasley.

quote of the week...

"You can describe a man in inches, pounds, complexion, or physique. But you measure a man by character, compassion, integrity, tenderness, and principle. Simply stated, the measures of a man are embedded in his heart and soul, not in his physical attributes. But they can be viewed in conduct and demeanor."

--Richard C. Edgley



To be a man--a real man--like Richard Edgley is talking about, is a good thing. We need good men. I hope I am raising 4 good men, and I hope that one day my younger two daughters will each find a good man to marry, like our oldest daughter did. I am grateful that I married a man who measures his success by how well he provides for his family, by how happy he strives to make his wife, by how welcoming and devoted he is to our children, and by serving God with all his heart.

fall break fun...

Connor wanted to try and make our friends' recipe for salsa. I'd never made salsa from scratch before, so it was a fun little challenge. It turned out really well!

quote of the week...

"Nothing is so fatiguing as the eternal hanging on of an uncompleted task."

--William James


I am taking the time this last week of October to finally complete several tasks that have been on my mind and my heart. I've decided that one of the keys to living in happiness and peace is to keep my promises: both large and small. When I don't, it weighs on my spirit. It saps my energy and weakens my resolve to do other things.

Find something (or someone, frankly) in your life that you have an uncompleted task for. Complete it. I promise the mental energy you spend thinking about how you haven't done it is far more difficult to live with than just doing it.

fall full of pictures...

It's been a busy fall for me as far as picture taking is concerned. (well...as far as EVERYTHING is concerned, but such is life) I thought I'd share some of my favorites.

quote of the week...

"Look at a day when you are supremely satisfied at the end. It's not a day when you lounge around doing nothing; it's when you've had everything to do, and you've done it."

---Margaret Thatcher

quote of the week...

"The sweetest experience in all of mortality is to be the answer to someone's prayer."

--Thomas S. Monson

opening the call...

There aren't adequate words to describe how it feels to watch our son choose to take 2 years of his life and serve the Lord and the people of another country. We are grateful to be his parents.

Hurrah for Israel! Hurrah for Israel!

quote of the week...

"How we spend our days is how we spend our lives."


- Annie Dillard

50 lbs in 5 months: What I've learned so far, part 2

4) I've learned that earning something is far more enjoyable than simply taking it.

One of the most frequently asked questions I get is: "Don't you feel deprived? Don't you feel like you are missing out?" The short answer is: "No." It's actually the complete opposite. Now when I go to a party or there is a special occasion and I have previously planned to eat something that I wouldn't normally eat, such as a hamburger or dessert, I actually enjoy it and appreciate it more than I ever did before! Not only is it enjoyable to eat, but the best part is I eat it with no guilt or remorse whatsoever. I have earned that food. I don't have the burden of thinking about other poor choices I am making that just add to this one, because that is no longer the case. The same thing goes with exercise. When I work hard and burn 500 calories at the gym every day, and then see changes in my ability and stamina, there is SUCH satisfaction in knowing that I worked hard for those changes! I know it's in our nature to want a quick, fast, and easy fix...but it just doesn't exist. Not only does it not exist, I'm convinced that even if it did, it's not a substitute for earning it ourselves.

5) I've learned that you have to believe different things about yourself, and think of yourself as a different person, in order to makes changes that last.

Habits are so hard to break. And too often we have habits so deeply ingrained that we define ourselves by them. For example: I obviously led a sedentary life for many, many years. To the point that I realized as I started to make changes that I had defined myself by that. "I don't like to do active things. All of my hobbies are sedentary...reading, computer, television." I had to learn to look at myself and see someone new, someone who did things differently than I had done in the past. When I found myself letting the hours tick by without getting a work out in, I had to say, "I am a person who works out every day. I go to the gym and I burn calories and increase my strength every day." If I found myself considering using food in an unhealthy way, I had to say, "I am thoughtful with my food choices. I am a person who respects my body and treats it well. I don't use food as a coping skill." As I redefined myself and what I did, I found I not only changed my behavior--I changed what I liked to do! This may sound odd, but I have discovered that I really, really like to sweat. It's, like, better than Christmas. For reals. I NEVER would have thought that could be said about me, but now it's true, and it's because I chose to see who I was differently. I find myself thinking of things my kids and the Hubby and I can go do, like hiking or walking or playing outside...things I never would have considered. Before, I would have observed. Now I participate. See what I mean? Different.

6) I've learned that happiness and peace come through the knowledge that you are living the way you should, the results of living that way are simply a bonus...not really the reward.

I am not going to lie and say that losing weight and looking better and getting to donate clothes that are too big isn't a lot of fun--but it really isn't what has kept me going. I feel a peace and a contentment that is completely internal. It's a happiness that has to do with how I behave when no one else is looking. I feel peace because I know that I treat my body with respect, and that I show gratitude for all that I have been given by not being greedy with food or with anything else. When I wake up every day, the reward is that I like myself, how I live my life, and who I am becoming. The weight will continue to leave my body and I will continue to become more healthy and more strong, that is a consequence of the many choices I now make. But the REAL prize is looking in the mirror and seeing a woman who lives what she knows. There is a song that says in part "Do what is right, let the consequence follow..." I understand what that means more than ever now. Nothing feels better than doing what's right, in every aspect of your life. Nothing.



I hope that something I have written here may be something you can relate to in your own life. If your particular weakness isn't weight or food, I still maintain that the principles and lessons I have learned could apply to what you struggle with, as well. We all have ways in which we cope with life and its challenges. Some people eat, some people drink, some people cut, some people isolate themselves...there are a million ways to cope in a way that gives us immediate relief but is ultimately destructive. I have felt such joy as I have learned to cope in a way that actually makes me feel better long term, and increases my strength for the next challenge!

I know that I still have a lot to do, and a lot to learn. I'll keep you posted. :)

quote of the week...

"Liberty is not the power to do what one wants, but it is the desire to do what one can."

--Jean-Paul Sartre

50 lbs in 5 months: What I've learned so far, part 1

I am hesitant to write this post.

I have lost 50 pounds in 5 months, and it has been an intense and personal experience, one that I am not sure I can truly articulate. However, something whispers to me that the things I have learned in this process are not unique to me--and frankly, contain lessons that could be applied to far more than weight loss.

This isn't meant to be a guideline on how to lose weight--I may talk about specifics someday, when and if I feel I have something to offer. This is more about what I have learned as I made changes in my life that would lead to changes in my body.

1) I have learned that we are capable of far more than we know or acknowledge.

I have done things in the past 5 months that have been beyond what I would have thought were my capabilities. I have broken habits and changed thought patterns that have been a part of my life for decades, in some cases even my whole life. I have come to believe that God asks us to be obedient not simply to honor and worship Him, but so that we can see what lies within us...so that we can see His power, which is part of what we are able to access as His children. There is power in being obedient to truth--regardless of what kind of truth it is. It doesn't matter whether it's "If I eat well and exercise, I will be more healthy" or "If I want to gain knowledge, I have to study" or "If I cross the street into oncoming traffic, I will be road pizza" -- it's all the same. It's when we stop fighting against those truths and live with them instead that we really begin to see what we can do.

2) I have learned that it's never one big decision, it's a million little ones.

This is one that can be difficult to figure out, and even more difficult to become comfortable with. My losing 50 pounds is not a result of my saying, "I want to lose 50 pounds." Sure, that may have been part of my original thoughts or goals, but there have been thousands of decisions considered and wrestled with over the past 5 months, each of which has gotten me closer to what I wanted. Every morning when we wake up, we make decisions every minute that will progressively get us somewhere. Those decisions determine whether or not we end up where we say we want to be. Every day, I had to get up and say, "I am choosing to eat correctly at every meal." Every day, I had to get up and say, "I will go to the gym today and I will work out." Every day (and sometimes, every hour!) I had to say, "I choose to cope and function in a way that makes me feel good about who I am and is in harmony with what I know to be true." It'd be easier if we just made one big decision and that was it--and there are times when we do make a grand and important decision--but that alone won't get us there. The reason I think this particular lesson is so difficult to learn is that it requires living thoughtfully and not impulsively. It requires living in a state of clarity and awareness of the fact that those millions of little decisions are going to be made every day...whether you make them consciously and purposefully or not is up to you.

3) I have learned that the easiest person to lie to is yourself.

It's ridiculously easy to be dishonest with yourself. It's also ridiculously destructive. I didn't get to the point of needing to lose a great deal of weight by honestly dealing with myself and why I was gaining weight to begin with. I told myself little lies, like: "I deserve a reward of food." or "I've blown it today already, so I might as well just eat more." I also told myself big fat (pun intended) lies, such as: "I don't abuse food, I just like to eat!" or "No one else has to pay attention to what they eat, it's not fair that I should have to." or "This is just how I am going to be for the rest of my life. I can't change now." The problem with lying to yourself is that you start to believe what you are saying. And believing those lies is what keeps you right where you say that you hate to be. I have struggled most of my life with feelings of depression and low self worth, and guess when that changed significantly? When I got honest with myself, and decided that I was going to live in complete truth with myself and with everybody else. And by "live in complete truth" what I mean is that I wasn't going to lean towards either end of a spectrum of thought--I wasn't going to justify or excuse anything I did, but I wasn't going to beat myself to death over anything I did, either. I was simply going to see things as they really were, and not try to pretend that they were anything different. If I found myself trying to go back to old ways of thinking, I would stop myself and say, "Nope. That doesn't fly anymore. I know better than that." Being honest with others was harder for me. My husband has never been anything but loving and supportive of me, always saying I am beautiful and attractive. I have held in most of my feelings about my body and my struggles with food, always afraid to be that vulnerable. (even now, I am torn writing this, knowing how much I am choosing to reveal to anyone reading this) In deciding 5 months ago to live in complete truth, I have opened up to him and shared fears and weaknesses and flawed thinking that I never could have before. He has become my greatest cheerleader, my strength and support, my shoulder to cry on, and all the while somehow maintaining a needed neutrality...there is no doubt in my mind that he knows that this is my mountain to climb, and that he'll love me even if I am climbing for the rest of my life. I cannot guarantee that every person could react the way that he has, but I know that regardless of what he did, I had to be honest with others in order to truly be honest with myself.




Coming Soon: Part 2

quote of the week...

"When I was young, I admired clever people. Now that I am old, I admire kind people."

-Abraham Joshua Heschel

Dear Overly Enthusiastic and Perky Step Class Instructor Lady,

You are The Devil. You are evil to the core. I hate you and all that you stand for.

Love,

me


P.S. See you at the next class.