Quote of the week...

"When you look at the world in a narrow way, how narrow it seems! When you look at it in a mean way, how mean it is! When you look at it selfishly, how selfish it is! But when you look at in a broad, generous, friendly spirit, what wonderful people you find in it."

--Horace Rutledge

5 years ago today...

I almost became a widow.

Here's an excerpt from my journal:

April 26, 2002
"If I do not write in here, I will be an ungrateful daughter to my Father in Heaven, and I am so very grateful to Him that I must write...
My darling husband was nearly killed in an accident at work. He was ticketing someone and as he stood at their vehicle issuing the citation, a semi truck drifted onto the shoulder and hit his patrol car, driving within inches of him. The girls that were in the car by where he was standing thought he had been hit, because the truck came so close to him, and he was thrown several feet by the force of side wind. His patrol car is totaled, completely crushed on the driver's side.
As for my husband, he is bruised and sore from being hit with debris ... He felt the impact of things on his back, but he thinks his bulletproof vest protected him from any serious injury in that area. He also has a knife that he always carried on his outer right thigh in a slit pocket...it is destroyed, from something hitting it.
He called me after it happened. We talk often on our cell phones while he is at work, so at first when he called, it didn't really sink in that he was explaining that HE had been in this accident. At first, I thought he was saying that another trooper had been hit. Then, I thought he was IN his patrol car and was hit. When I finally understood the gravity of the accident, my heart just sank. I could hear his voice, but at that point, all I wanted was to see him, to touch him, to know that he was okay.

The moment I hung up the phone with him, I fell to my knees. My prayer was something like this: "Dear Heavenly Father, Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you."

He was much calmer when he finally got home. We embraced for a long time when he walked in that door... and he hugged and kissed his children just a little bit longer than usual. He had to call several people who had heard about it through the Patrol grapevine, and reassure them.

We both had a hard time sleeping, and we talked about it. We both had this visual of the accident in our minds. What "could" have happened continually played out in our thoughts.

We both talked about the fact that he could've died. We both talked about how different this day might have been, that I might have been a widow, planning his funeral. It is a sobering thought. One thing I said to him was that I was comforted to know that if he had died, there was nothing left unsaid between us."

I think of this every year on this date. I look at our lives and what would be missing if he were not here. Our 5 year old son would never have known his daddy. We have 2 children who would never have been born. I am reminded that every moment is a gift, and too often we just sail right through it...as though it is our right. We too often act as though the people we love will just always be there--for one more day, one more memory, one more chance to tell them how much they mean to us.

I am glad on that day, I was granted that gift.

Awesome Mom tagged me for this meme. I am thrilled that she thinks I make her think.

The rules:1. If, and only if, you get tagged, write a post with links to 5 blogs that make you think,2. Link to this post so that people can easily find the exact origin of the meme,3. Optional: Proudly display the 'Thinking Blogger Award' with a link to the post that you wrote (here is an alternative silver version if gold doesn't fit your blog).

Here are the five blogs that I have picked:

1) Mental Tesserae. This is a wonderful, thought provoking blog. She uses pieces of art to illustrate her topic of the moment in a terrific way. I like to see art through another person's eyes, because too often I find that I am looking at a painting, and not really looking at it. She makes me pause a bit and really take something in. I love that.

2) Thoroughly Mormon Millie. This gal makes me think about geneology. Even though my mom was a geneology freak and my grandmother actually has a geneological library named after her and records that made the Daughters of the American Revolution drool, I have never really gotten into the idea. I always said, "It's not my time and season." But, Millie is getting me thinking about how perhaps there can always be little moments for things, if we make a space for them. She is also flippin' funny, but this isn't flippin' funny blogger award, so.

3) Too Many to Count. I love this lady's accountings of her family. It's the "everyday-ness" of her blog that draws me in, and I find myself thinking about ways I can incorporate more meaning into little things. She also gets me thinking about family home evenings, and how to really make them special. She is also the mom of many children who has them in all stages. And watching her helps me to think about how to be the mom to each one effectively as they go through such different times of life, since I have them in all stages as well.

4) Life and Hope. Because she has VHL, reading this woman's posts so far (she is a pretty new blog) I am gaining a much better understanding for those who live with chronic illnesses that are passed down to their children, and the impact that has on all facets of life. She is also a dear IRL friend, and I have found from reading her posts that you can know a person and still not really "get" the struggles they have in life, or how they feel about certain things. I feel blessed that I have a window into her soul, so to speak, through her blog.

5) I am going to be weird and say me. I am learning more about myself and my thought processes through this blog than I ever imagined. Writing this blog has me thinking more about everything in my life: what brings me joy, what lessons I have learned, what experiences have changed and impacted me. I think about how the little moments are the ones with resonance. I think about how what I see or don't see in my everyday life influences how I see the world at large. I think more about what I am saying, how I am saying it, and who I am saying it to.

Quote of the Week...

In honor of my friend, Kay, whose husband passed away last week after battling cancer:

“There is a comfort in the strength of love; ‘Twill make a thing endurable, which else Would overset the brain, or break the heart.”

—William Wordsworth

Busy night...

This morning, I came downstairs and saw my 5 year old son eating his breakfast with puffy eyes in a zombie-like state.

"Hey, buddy...you okay?" I said, all motherly.

"Last night, I saved the wowld (world)." he answered groggily.

"Well, then. No wonder you're so sleepy. That can really wear a guy out."

Quote of the week...

“Teach this triple truth to all: A generous heart, kind speech, and a life of service and compassion are the things that renew humanity.”
—Buddha

A Mom singing a Hymn...

Jesus, Once of Humble bir--
(shhhhh!!)
Now, in Glor-y comes to--
(stop it!! I will give you the toy in a second!)
Once, He suffered grief and--
(will you quit swinging that??You almost hit your brother!!)
Now He comes--
(don't even think of leaving this bench, missy)
Now He comes on Earth to--
(why can't you just SIT there??)



Repeated, three times.

Quote of the Week...

"Experience: that most brutal of teachers. But you learn, my God do you learn."

--C.S. Lewis

Did you ever...

Have one of those nights where you can't sleep and so you get on the computer and start roaming around? And then you go to MySpace and start looking up everyone who says they went to your high school and then you start waxing all nostalgic and wondering how all these people are doing, and maybe you even send a message to some of them to see how they are? And then, when the insomnia wears off, you think, "Crap. High school was 20 years ago, and I only ever liked about 6 of those people anyway. What the heck was I thinking??"

Yeah. Me neither.

Interview Me...

Awesome Mom did this fun game called, "Interview Me".

Here's the general idea if you'd like to play along:
The Rules: Leave me a comment saying, "Interview me.” I respond by asking you five questions (left in my comments) so I can get to know you better. If I already know you well, expect the questions may be somewhat personal! You can update your journal/bloggy thing/whatever with the answers to the questions (please don't leave your answers in my comments unless you don't have a blog). You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the post. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

So, here are the answers to the questions Awesome Mom asked me:

1 Do you think your teenaged self would be happy with the way that your life has turned out so far?

I think my teenaged self would be surprized by the way my life is turning out. I never expected or particularly desired to be a mom, or really to get married. I also think that my teenaged self would be interested to see the strides I have made at overcoming my own weaknesses, and making changes that needed to be made. But I also think my teenaged self would tell me to do something about my fat butt.

2 Do you prefer gold jewelry, silver jewelry or neither?

I'm not a jewelry person--much. I would wear more if I hadn't been conditioned not to by necessity. (the first time a baby pulls your earring nearly out of your ear, you tend to forgo the earrings. Same with nearly being choked by a necklace.) But I have 3 rings that I love, and they are gold. Two are my wedding rings, and one is a ring my hubby bought that symbolizes our children--3 diamond baguette stones for the girls, 4 diamond square stones for the boys, intermingled.

3 What has been one of the most surprising things that you have discovered about motherhood?
Just how much you learn about yourself, and how much you want to change the faults and flaws that you have to be the best possible example you can be for them. I look at my 17 year old, especially, and I pray that my role modeling for woman/motherhood has been sufficient. I am also surprized to see how much I have come to understand about God and His nature by being a mother.

4 What are some things that would be in your dream home?

*A HUGE mud/laundry room. HUGE. With two sets of large capacity washers and dryers, and hanging and basket space for everyone. And all. their. stuff.
*hardwood floors everywhere in common areas. I miss my hardwoods. Hopefully next year!!
*children who cleaned for fun

5 What is your favorite flower? Why?

Yellow roses. Roses to me are extravagant and romantic. And I like the yellow because it's cheerful and warm. My favorite is red roses (my hubby's favorite) and yellow roses together.

Ok, if you want me to interview you, let me know!

Quote of the Week...

"But it's not just learning things that's important. It's learning what to do with what you learn and learning why you learn things at all that matters."

--Norton Juster, The Phantom Tollbooth